


Confidentially Yours!

by mindcomber (orphan_account)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Friendship/Love, Humor, M/M, McKirk., Romantic Fluff, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:27:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23594572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/mindcomber
Summary: The 5 year mission can cause some frustrations throughout crew members...With the aid of a voice altering device for anonymity Jim Kirk embarks on a new venture...To Voice a 'helpline' in order to offer helpfull advice if anyone feels the need to confide in someone!A 5 X Ficlet.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Confidentially Yours!

C.S.A. Advice line:---Now Open! (Cock-Suckers-Anonymous!) 

"Dear C.S.A.  
I have never had a girl-friend until recently. How will I know if I am performing the 'correct procedures' when that time arrives please?"  
Yours Spaced-out."(Spock.)  
"Dear Spaced-out.  
I am pretty sure the lady in question will have enough knowledge to gently guide you through this new experience. I advise you to relax and enjoy it!"  
"Thank you C.S.A.!"

"Dear C.S.A. Aye well I'm a just a wonderin' if sexual intercourse will be kinda' the same with an alien female please?  
Yours Bottling-It." (Scotty.)  
"Dear Bottling-It.  
I feel confident that if she is humanoid in appearance, then I would expect there to be little difference in the female anatomy. I would personally check out this area then go in full throttle!"  
"Thank you C.S.A!"

"Dear C.S.A.  
I really miss my husband. What advice can you offer me please?  
Yours Hic-Cups." (Sulu).  
"Dear Hic-Cups.  
This is not a minor problem. I suggest you look at a photo of him and fantasize about him whilst using self-service techniques!"  
"Thank You C.S.A."

"Dear C.S.A.  
I vant to find a voman for lowe-making. Vould you knov if anyvon vould be villing please?  
Yours Faint-Heart." (Chekov.)  
"Dear Faint-Heart.  
I already have the correct answer for this one. Her name is Gaila, feel free to approach her anytime you are feeing brave!"  
"Thank you C.S.A."

"Dear C.S.A.  
I am erm, in love with a fellow crew member. He is high ranking, damn it! Is it correct protocol to blatantly announce these feelings to an erm, Star Ship Captain?  
Yours Love-Lorn." (McCoy.)  
"Dear Love-Lorn.  
Hmm well if he didn't already have his suspicions, then I expect he finally knows the truth now! This is why I cooked up this crazy scheme anyhow! Com'on over Bonesy! I am in need of more than your Medical Expertise this time! You'll be Loved-Up before long Mister Love-Lorn!!!"  
"Thank you C.S.A. I mean Jim Darlin'! I'm on my way!!!"

The End.


End file.
